When there's a sufficiently large group of people, they all fade together. You can no longer discern faces, and the larger the group gets the harder it can be to think of them as people. An audience may as well be composed of shadows.
On the other hand, in the abstract, you don't have to think of them as people. You can think of them as simply eyes, watching, and it really doesn't matter who they belong to. Fear needs little reason to manifest, it finds an opening - no matter how illogical - and dissolves the faculties you have developed to tell it no, you should not exist. All there is is the what if. What if. What if? What if!?
That was what it was like for me, standing in front of hundreds of people, shaking and sweating and smiling and functioning on sheer instinct lest I break down and be broken down further after leaving the stage in tears.
"That was pathetic."
i know
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